News Flash: Pudding Alert!

Submitted for your approval, the real reason the space ship will be one orbit late. 
Subject: Pudding Alert!
Status: RO

>This misdirected message was inadvertantly delivered to my office. 
> Sorry for the delay. I hope it is not too late.
> 
> > STARDATE 10357.22     (March 28, 1997)
> >
> > To:  Heaven's Gate Personnel:
> >
> > DUE TO EXTENSIVE TAIL WINDS CAUSED BY COMET HALE-BOPP, 
> > PICKUP OF THE 39 PASSENGERS HAS BEEN DELAYED UNTIL 3024 
> > WHEN WE PASS THE PLANET AGAIN. 
> >
> >DO NOT EAT PUDDING AT THIS TIME
> >
> > *** REPEAT ***
> >
> > DO NOT EAT PUDDING AT THIS TIME

The Real Reason Revealed!
From In-Stel-Pol Records Archive:

   

CITATION for ILLEGAL OPERATION
of INTERSTELLAR VEHICLE

SER: 1F00.EAD.384
Date: 10375.20 (Earth-local: 03/20/97)
InStelPol 37Y

 

Lic:

H-Smok-R 3448C3

Oper:

Twonky, "Baddy" Twillig

Passngr

Ehira, Isis
Ichor, Itwin

Obsvd Reason:

Emissions
Tailgaiting Comet
Weight restr.

Vec Cond:

Bald Toroids
Gamma Ray Backfire
Sevr Pld Leak, Argon w excess spin, redshift 35%

Emissions

 Failed: Sodium, HCN, Quarks, Gamma rs
Marginal: Monopoles

Search:

 Excess Pld: 97kmT Argon, w spillage
Ilg Pld: 2847kmT nat salt water
Poaching tools, Human
Smoking, Human DNA
Artifacts, Human smoking paraph.
Remains, Human bones, human hides, hair mat
Ilg. Bev: Yeast ferments, extracts

Other

Tresspass: Native Preserve E38A - Sol/Human

Disp:

Seizure, Tow, Sell

Arrst Offcr:

Sgt. Ar. Sirius

Sentence

Twonky, T.: 30 years, Il.Op.Veh,
smoking human DNA
Ehira: 50 years, smoking human DNA, resisting
Ichor: 40 years, smoking human DNA, obstruction
Veh CPU: destruction, self-awareness, non-coop
  Form InStelPol k346-881.G       (1 April, 1997)

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